– STUDENT PARENT CUE –
This Blog is just for Parents! It will give you an overview of what we are talking about in our current series and provide useful information to help you dialog with your child about the session. The questions are intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.
WE’RE TEACHING THIS
Do you have any close friends? Ones you feel completely comfortable around? Friends you can talk to for hours? If so, you’re lucky. Friends like that are awesome. But chances are you have other friends too. Maybe you grew up around each other. Maybe you work at the same job or have classes with them. It’s not that you don’t like them. They’re great. You just aren’t that close. For most of us, our relationship with God feels like it swings between those two extremes. Maybe you can remember a time, after a retreat or a church camp, when God felt super real and personal. You were BFFs. But then, somehow, things drifted in the other direction. There was distance. And, while you’re definitely not against God, you wouldn’t describe yourself as “close” anymore. We all go through times when our relationship with God seems more “far” than “near”, but what do we do about it? Why does it feel so complicated? And is there anything we can do to keep the drift from happening? Thankfully, in His word, God makes it super clear that His desire is to be close with us. And as we journey back toward Him, we may just find Him running in our direction as well.
Chances are there are some interests and hobbies your son or daughter enjoys that completely baffle you. This week, try to take an interest in what interests them.
Maybe for you that means:
• Asking what musical artist they’re into and why they like them.
• Going to a sporting, musical or theater event together.
• Watching a TV show together that they really like.
• Visiting a museum together that celebrates what they’re into and asking them to show you around.
No matter how different you are, you can always value their interests by asking questions and paying attention to the things they care about. In doing so, you’re modeling the way for them to take an interest in the interests of others as well.
Here is a quick devotional by Tim Walker that gives great insight in relating with your child even if you are completely different.
As I stood at the entrance to the gym, I saw the coach walking with my teenage son, and heading straight for me. I took a deep breath and prepared for the words that would come next.
“Your son did awesome today in practice. He just needs to work on his shots. When you are at home shooting, make sure he works on how he’s positioning his hand.” I nodded in agreement, as my son and I gave each other a knowing glance.
We got in the car and on the drive home, I said, “that was funny. He actually thinks you and I are going to practice basketball together.”
“Yeah, I know,” my son replied.
It happens all the time. I have three sons and every single one of them is a good athlete—at least that’s what numerous coaches have said.
I’m not athletic. At one of my son’s baseball’s games, I threw a foul ball back on to the field. It hit the first baseman.
My sons are not mini versions of me—and that’s okay. As my children have grown, I have seen firsthand how God has uniquely created them to be individuals. So it’s an ongoing, ever changing challenge for me to find ways to connect with them.
Here are few things I’ve learned along the way:
- Be realistic, not frustrated. Don’t let the frustrations of their differences trip you up. Your differences give them room to grow. At some point, being around someone different from you is always a little unnerving—even if it’s your own kid, but try not to let it frustrate you. Instead, think of understanding them like putting together a puzzle—one piece at a time. and if you feel adventurous, even try something new.
- Be a student, not a poser. You don’t have to be good at something to be interested. Let your kids teach you about what they enjoy—whether it’s cooking, sports, filmmaking or repairing cars. Only occasionally will I actually make a shot in basketball. But there is a blissfulness in ignorance, as you can learn something from your son or daughter that is completely new to you. And they’re sure to appreciate you taking an interest, even if it isn’t traditionally “your thing”.
- Be resourceful, not guilty. Don’t feel like a failure if you can’t be everything for your kid. You were never meant to be—that’s God’s job. But even if you don’t understand how to build your own computer or can’t catch a football, you might know someone who does. An aunt or uncle, a small group leader, a grandparent, a neighbor. I had two neighbors who loved to throw a football to my boys, and my boys enjoyed it. And it was a great opportunity to widen the circle of influence for my own students.
I want to be connected with my sons. I want to have a relationship with them, but that doesn’t mean that we have to enjoy all the same things. Sometimes it means we just focus on what we do have in common—like a love of pizza. But other times, it means that I intentionally look opportunities to show them that I care about the things that matter to them.
WE’RE TEACHING THIS
Our vision is to “spread the Hope of Christ – one student at a time”. One way we help the students accomplish this is by creating a safe, fun place where students can invite other friends to come hangout and be accepted by loving adults and peers. We want this youth group to be one of those places where the students love to be. We want this to be a place that they can’t wait to come to, and a place when they leave, they can’t wait to come back. And as great as that makes us feel to create an environment like that, there’s something beyond this idea we need you to understand. What happens here was never meant to stay here. The things you hear here, the things you learn, the things you experience were meant to be lived outside these walls.
A questions for you: What has God been teaching me lately? What is the biggest obstacle to living out the things God is teaching me?
Connecting with your child takes intentionality. There’s a rhythm there, a pace, a consistency that your child can rely on. Maybe it’s at the dinner table. Maybe it’s every Saturday morning. It looks differently for different families. But there is one common theme—it’s not just a one-time thing.
Here is a quick devotion by Reggie Joiner that he titled “Lightning”
It takes a quantity of quality time spent together to create a rhythm of connecting in your family. And the simple reason that it takes quantity of quality time is because significant moments are unpredictable. Most of us want to be there when our baby takes the first step, or our daughter makes her first basketball goal, or our son wins an award, or our child asks an important question. But you just never know when significant moments are going to happen.
If you hope to be present for the significant moments, then you will have to be present for the seemingly insignificant moments.
It’s like when I try to catch a picture of lightning. It’s a tricky thing for a photographer to shoot lightning. You can’t take the shot when you see the light. At that point it’s really too late. By the time you press the shutter release you have already missed it.
The best strategy is to set the camera to continuously shoot, so that it actually stands a better chance of opening the shutter before the lightning strikes. Sure you will get a lot of insignificant photos that way, but it’s probably the only chance you have of catching some incredible moments.
Kids and lightning have a lot in common. If you want to experience some extraordinary moments with your children, then you have to be there for a lot of ordinary moments. Looking back I am grateful that…
I limited my travel schedule away from home when my kids were young.
I rarely missed attending a school, athletic or church event with them.
I worked to keep my schedule flexible when they were teenagers.
I learned to do those things just in case something came up (and it almost always did).
I’ve never met an older mom or dad, who said, “Yeah if had it to do all over again, I’d spend less time with my kids, and more time doing other things.” They seem to always say just the opposite.
“I wish I had spent more time with my kids …”
Just remember it’s easy to miss a lightning bolt. It happens fast—then it’s gone.
The best way to catch unpredictable moments with your children is to be predictable with how you spend time together.